Hello, lovely listeners, and welcome to the backyard. I'm your host, Nicole Berrios, and come on in, grab a cup of tea, let's talk about some magic. If you are new to the show, welcome, welcome to the backyard. I like to start the show off by talking about what is in my mug. I usually go outside and have a cup of tea in the morning, usually on my days off, um, because I don't really have time to like sit outside and have my tea on the days when I have to be running around, which is a bummer, but I do always have tea. If you're new around here, yours truly cannot drink caffeine without having severe problems. Like, just can't. Makes me feel drugged. When whenever people say that they drink coffee to help them stay awake, it makes zero sense to me. I'm like, how? How does caffeine wake you up? Caffeine makes me feel like I've been drugged. Like, seriously, like somebody has slipped drugs into my drink and I can't function. It's awful. So I can't drink coffee. So whenever I talk about what's in my mug, it's not coffee. It's always tea of some sort. And I do have to be careful with black teas too. Can't really do black tea, which is a bummer because I love black tea. Um, I can kind of do green tea so long as it's like not super strong, which is also a bummer because I love strong green tea. I just have to be mindful. Like if I'm gonna be driving or going into the office to treat patients, you know, stick needles in people because I'm an acupuncturist, like I need to be on my game, which means I can't be drugged feeling on caffeine. So, what is in my mug is never coffee and it's always some sort of tea or herbal concoction or other yumminess. I'm recording this episode at night, and it's the fall equinox. Happy fall equinox, everybody. So I actually have two what's in my mugs today because I had a mug of tea this morning, and I had another one later this afternoon. I've been talking for weeks and weeks and weeks about how I need to get to the herb shop. I finally did it. I finally made it to the herb shop. Hooray! I got my local honey, which desert local honey is thick because the bees don't have as much moisture to work with here, so the honey is thicker. You have to use a spoon to get it out of the jar. Got my local honey, got a couple of blends, it's been great. And I have been my morning tea lately, I've been on a jasmine green tea cake. If you had to, like if there was only one tea, like if somebody, you know, said you can only have one tea for the rest of your life, what would it be? Mine would be jasmine green. Hands down, my favorite tea ever. And I had it with the local honey. It's really, really good. The one that I got is a weaker one, like it's more mild. It's still yummy because it's still jasmine green tea, but it doesn't give me the crazy caffeine-drugged feeling, which is beneficial for me. That being said, I wish it was a little bit stronger. I might I might find a stronger one to have like on the weekends and like just test it out and see how it makes me feel. It's better when I eat with it, so like that kind of mitigates some of the effects of the caffeine. So I've been having that in the morning, um, hot, regardless of what the weather is like. I always have my morning tea hot. And then in the afternoon, I have been having um a blend that I got at the herb shop. This is a western herbal blend, it's called lymphatic, and it gently supports the lymphatic system. That's what the that's what the label says. Gently supports the lymphatic system. So I'm a Chinese herbalist, like that's where I got my training um from acupuncture school. I am not trained in Western herbalism. There are two different schools of thought, like two different ways of viewing herbs. The Materia Medica is different, with the exception of some herbs that overlap a little bit, although the herbs that overlap have different functions depending on like this the school of thought. Um, for example, black kohash? Have you guys ever heard of black kohash? That's a famous western herb that is used for hot flashes or like hormone balance, hormone support, but specifically like with with the element of hot, like feeling hot. In Chinese medicine, it is uh black kohosh is an herb called Shengma, and in uh its Latin name or the botanical name is like C M C Fuji. I don't know if I'm saying that right. I know how to spell it with a C. C C I M I C-M-C yeah. I am not joining the spelling B anytime soon, especially for obscure Latin plant botanical words. But Shengma, C me C Fuge, has nothing to do with hot flashes. In fact, it is an herb to help release exterior wind cold, I think it is. Like it's an herb that warms you up, and it also has a raising action. Like it's a it's an herb that's like its main claim to fame is that it helps raise the energy in your body, which you would use for something like prolapse, like when your organs are like falling out of your body. You use Shengma for that. And so it just kind of baffles me because I'm like, how is Shangma and Black Kohhash the same herb used completely differently, whether it's like depending on whether it's from a Western uh perspective or a Chinese medicine perspective? And how how does it make any sense? Like over here you use it to cool you off, and over here you use it to warm you up and raise energy. I don't get it. It makes no sense. There's actually a a continuing education that I found that like is about this exact thing. It's like Chinese energetics of Western herbs, I think is what it's called. I think it kind of bridges this gap for those of us Chinese herbalists who were trying to make sense of Western herbalism because it it's confusing. Anyways. Oh, herbs, I love them. I don't have anybody to talk about herbs with. I need to start like a like an herbal group for fellow Chinese herbalists who just need to talk shop with somebody. So you guys, you guys are are that for me right now. Thank you for listening to me babble about herbs. I typically research everything before I buy anything. This is part of my human design. If you guys don't know human design, you should look it up. It's very interesting. I am a line one in human design, which means I need to know everything about everything. It took me like an entire week to decide what cover I wanted to get for my phone. It takes me days of looking at tarot decks before I decide whether or not I actually want one. Like I'm not I'm not much of an impulse buyer. I just need to know everything before I can buy something. I did not research this lymphatic blend at all when I bought it. I just saw it, I saw that it had spearmint in it, and I thought, that sounds great. I could probably use some lymphatic drainage, like can't we all? So I bought it like flying blind feels rebellious sometimes when I do stuff like that. But this blend is cleavers, spearmint, red clover blossom, calendula, jasmine, moolin, which actually grows here, and chickweed. So yeah, I'm assuming that these herbs work together to help drain the lymphatic system. I don't know how. I what I do know about moolin is that that's like for lung support. So I'm like, why is that in a lymphatic blend? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes it's refreshing to not know everything about everything. I just know that this tea is really good. It's very, very tasty. Doesn't even need any honey. I just had it straight up and I had it iced. This is my afternoon blend. This is what's in my afternoon mug today, is this lymphatic blend. So hooray! I finally went to the herb shop and I finally got my local honey. We are in business. And with that, my friends, we are going to be talking about grief. I know we're gonna take it down a notch, but it also needs to be talked about because we just transitioned into the fall season. And in Chinese medicine, five element theory, we're now in the metal time of year. The dominant organs that are associated with the metal season are the lungs and the large intestine, which are two organs that are all about letting go, and the dominant emotion for this time of year is grief, grief and sadness. And I think the way that I look at this is that the energy is contracting at this time of year, right? The days are noticeably shorter now. That starts happening at the sum, like right after the summer solstice, but it's not noticeable. I feel like it's not until about now that you can tell, like, oh, it's darker now, there's not as much sunlight, oh, summer is over, oh, we're getting back to our routine, and like, oh, now the holidays are coming up. I feel like the holidays bring their own drama with it, you know, all kinds of emotions, big feelings, yada yada. But it's like it's a contracting energy, it's waning. The like things are settling in. If you live in a place that has deciduous trees, the leaves will start changing colors, which is beautiful, but like it looks it looks like death, you know, like things are dying off. This is when they start to cut the grains, like the the harvest, which is fabulous, but it's also like death, you know. So, like it's just kind of the theme of this time of year. It really picks up for Sawin, like Halloween, but it's you start feeling it now, like at the fall equinox. And so the the vibe is just like it's grief, it's processing things that were lost, things that never panned out. Um, it could be like you know, grief, like more tangible grief, like maybe you've lost somebody or a loved one, or uh, you know, are out of a relationship, you know, like any any number of things. Lost a job, like there could be any number of things that can bring up grief. And I feel like regardless of when that stuff happens, I feel like it's heightened in the fall, just because of this contracting, reflective, darker energy, like literally darker, because it's not as bright outside for as long. And that's that's kind of the vibe of the fall season. And so I I wanted specifically to talk about grief and some ways that you can use a spiritual practice to help you process grief if you are finding yourself in a position where you are grieving something. I actually I came up with the idea for this episode because about a month ago now. Was it a month? Yeah, I think it was about a month ago now, I had to do something heartbreaking. And I very unexpected and it was unexpected, and I found myself in the midst of all-consuming grief. Um, you guys, if you've been following the show for a little bit, you've probably heard me talk about my outside cats. We've got my inside cats. You hear one of them, he's always yelling. Um, there's two of them. The other one does not yell like Bernard does. Then we've got the outside cats. A little bit of backstory. The outside cats are strays. My next door neighbors a couple years ago moved out and had three cats that I thought they abandoned. I was like so angry at the neighbors for not taking their cats with them because then the cats were left to fend for themselves. And like naturally, they started coming around our yard looking for food and water, you know, especially in the summer because it's ridiculously hot here. Like it's not very safe to be a stray cat in the desert. But eventually I kind of started to realize that these cats were strays. Like, I don't think they ever actually belonged to my neighbor. Um, and I I started to realize this partly by the way they acted, there were three of them, and partly because I could like one of them has the very distinct cropped ear, um, which uh like programs there's programs that exist where you can take you can capture a stray cat basically, bring it to a vet, they will spay or neuter the cat, and then they crop the tip of the ear so that it it's like a visible sign, like this cat has been fixed, and then they release it back to wherever it came from, so that they can't keep making more kitties. So one of these stray cats, or one of the cats that I thought was the neighbors, has a very noticeable cropped ear. So I'm like, oh, that cat was a catch, like a trap and release, I think is what they call it, TNR, yeah. And then there was another one that was very fluffy, and it was hard for me to tell what his ears looked like because he had so much fur. But then I started to kind of see, like, when he started to warm up to me, um, that his ear was cropped too. And I'm like, okay, okay. The third one did not have a cropped ear. But I just, I don't know, I kind of started to feel like, okay, maybe the neighbor didn't abandon these cats, maybe these cats just lived in the neighborhood and they fed them. And they the neighbors left, and now these cats are just looking for the next person to feed them. Which made me feel a little bit less bitter and angry that this person left the cats. I'm like, oh, I I suppose they weren't their cats to begin with. Anyways, last year we lost one of the three cats. I'm assuming it was due to the heat, and I don't know what happened to him or like where he passed at. It wasn't in my yard. He just he got very, very ill. And I tried to get him into the vet, but I couldn't because I couldn't touch him. Like, you know, straight, they're like feral, you know. So they would come around our yard, they would eat food that we would set out for them, and they wouldn't let us touch them. And so, but I did know that he was sick because he was making a big mess in my yard. And yeah, then just one day I never saw him anymore. And I I just kind of assumed, oh, he must have passed. Like I was really bummed about that. So then there were two left, and one of them became my best kitty friend outside. This is when I talk about petting my outside cat, I'm talking about my she was uh tabby cat. I called her stripes. Like she was, I feel like she was the backyard uh magic mascot. Am I a little familiar? I'd go sit out there and do my rituals and stuff, you know, sit and look at the moon and pull tarot cards and whatnot, and like stripey stripes was always out there, just being cute. It took her a while to warm up to me because she's stray and feral. Um, but eventually she warmed up and then she became like my little bestie. And she really only let me pet her. She didn't really let anybody else pet her. So it felt extra special. Like she was she was my familiar out in the backyard, and that just that felt extra special. And this year she started to like really not feel well with the heats, and there's really only so much that you can do short of bringing them inside, and which I tried doing, but she wasn't having any of it because she's stray and feral and has never been inside of a house before. So she freaked out, and then I didn't see her for days. Like, she did not like that I did that to her. So I'm like, well, dang, what do I do? You know, like I she's not gonna come inside, but how do I keep this cat cool because it's so hot out there? So I did a bunch of stuff, I rigged up a bunch of stuff, made like a cooler for her. I try I've tried so many things for these cats out there so that they don't get heat stroke, and it was frustrating because they like never want to be near any of the stuff that I make for them. So I'm like, okay, that's not working. So what I did get her to do, like, you know, you know how cats are, they do things when they want, like what they want when they want. Like, you can't tell a cat what to do. Sounds a lot like like a kid, actually. But I was able to like get her to sleep under a table on a covered porch with a bunch of ice packs. Like I would I would put ice packs down for her every day, like several times a day. We had like a rotation of ice packs, and she eventually discovered that ice packs are cold, and then she would lay on the ice packs, and I'm like, okay, okay, great. So long as she's laying on the ice packs, she'll be good. And I thought maybe she'll make it through the summer. But she started to like get under the weather, like I could, I could tell. Like we had some really, really awful hot days here, and she just was not doing well. And I'm like, oh man. So I like considered what do I do? Do I bring her inside again? And she she wouldn't, she wouldn't come inside. And then one day, about a month ago, she was out there laying on her ice pack, and she was like dry heaving, like she was very clearly not okay. So I went out there and I was like, Oh, baby. So I picked her up, I brought her into my bathroom. She didn't like it, but she was so uncomfortable and like sick, like she, I'm pretty sure she had heat stroke that she didn't even protest. Like she she was nervous and uncomfortable because I was bringing her in the house. But yeah, I brought her in the bathroom, and then she had like weird stuff coming out of her body in like gross places, and I was like, oh my gosh, she's so sick! Like, she has to go, like, she has to go to a vet. Like, she's yeah, like she's going to die. And I'm like, what do I do? She's a stray cat. Like, vets are weird about stray cats, and also, like, how much money is this going to cost? And like, I don't exactly have a bunch of money set aside for stray cat vet bills, you know. So, what I did discover is that there are a couple of vets in the area that I live in that will take a stray cat and give them whatever services they need to like get them functional again, and then they get surrendered to the Humane Society to get adopted out. And so that's what I wound up doing. I found a vet that was willing to do that, but as part of like part of the arrangement is that I had to say goodbye to her forever, and it broke my heart. Broke my little heart into a million pieces. And like, if anybody is a pet owner out there, I guess I I should have. Well, I I don't know, because she didn't get put to sleep, like she got medical care, but I had to say goodbye to her. This is it was like kind of a mind fuck, excuse my language, but it was I like because I was saying goodbye to her, like knowing I was never going to see her again, but also knowing that I was giving her a shot at life, you know, because they they took her back, they were giving her fluids, they were giving her antibiotics, like she was getting medical attention. And honestly, I think that might have been all she needed. And then from there, she was, you know, going to the Humane Society. But I never, like, once I said goodbye to her, I I knew like I was never going to see her again, and I knew I was never actually going to know what happens to her. I could have called the vet like the next day or you know, the next couple of days to inquire about her, like, hey, whatever happened to that tabby cat, the tabby stray cat that got brought in. But I decided that I didn't want to know because if it turned out that she was too sick and they couldn't help her, I just couldn't, I I don't know. I chose not to know. I chose to just surrender to the mystery of it all, which was honestly even harder because I've had to have animals put to sleep before. And if anybody out there is a pet owner who has had to do that, you know that that's the worst. Thing ever, it sucks. But this was a different kind of awful, like not knowing what happened to my friend and knowing that I chose that, but also knowing that it was the right thing to do, you know. Like, I did it because she was going to die on my porch otherwise, and I was giving her a shot at life this way, and also like by her going to the Humane Society, she's going to have a chance at a life with a different owner. Like that also broke my heart because I was like, but she could have been mine, but also she wouldn't have been in the house because she couldn't be in the house, like she just was too feral, too wild. And like, even if I if I did choose to like take her to a vet and pay for the veterinary veterinary services and bring her back home, she would have just been right back outside again. And we still had like another couple of weeks of extreme heat left. And I'm like, she would have just gotten sick again. Like she needed to be in cool temperatures. And if she went to the Humane Society, then I'm assuming that like she'll get used or she would have gotten used to like being around people, being inside, understanding that wow, it's cool inside, and we'll get to go to um a home somewhere that will be a good fit for her. And it just broke my heart that like it couldn't be me, you know, that like I couldn't be her home because I kind of was her home, but also I wasn't. Anyways, I was heartbroken. I was so, so sad, such a mess. Like, I cried for days and days and days, and like my family was so supportive of me, and my daughter especially. Like, she would see when I was starting to break down, and she'd be like, Oh, are you sad about stripes? I'm just like, Yes. So, anyways, I had a recent bout of having to deal with like full on full-on grief and different kinds of grief, you know. Like, some people are grieving over animals, some people are grieving over people or experiences, job loss. I'm not negating anybody's experience. Grief is grief, regardless of what the circumstances around this are. And there is no hierarchy, you know. I mean, maybe I suppose there is if it's like a very close loved one, but I I just grief is grief, and I feel like it's it sucks no matter what what it is that you're grieving. But I also thought how appropriate as we head into the fall that this is coming up for me. And I thought that it would make a really good episode because my spiritual practice came in, it was so useful throughout this whole process because I was so heartbroken, like I was such a mess. Like I would I I couldn't even like be outside for several days. Oh, and at the same time that this happened, we had a crazy windstorm, and one of my neighbors' beautiful trees got completely uprooted. And this this tree like provided a lot of shade for my backyard. It was also just like part of the magic of the yard, even though it wasn't in my yard, it over it hung over my yard, so it kind of was. And then, like, shortly after that happened, he had another tree, my neighbor, that was kind of tipping into my yard and the other neighbor's yard, and they cut that one down. I I think they they saw this other one get uprooted, and they were like, Nope, because if the other one went down, it would have damaged my property and my other neighbor's property too. So, like, I get why they cut it down. But this all happened at the same time where it's like I had to say goodbye to my cat that wasn't actually my cat, but she was, you know. And then these trees are suddenly gone, and I just felt like my backyard isn't magical anymore. I'm like thinking about the podcast. I'm like, backyard magic. I'm like, there's no magic out there right now. I'm like, it's just sad and depressing. My cat's gone, trees are gone. So I couldn't go outside for a few days. I just had to stay inside and cry. But when I finally did manage to venture back out outside, you know, I'm sitting in my spot that I would usually pet stripes in, and I'm crying. And I I'm a shamanic practitioner, so like this that's my bread and butter. I talk about witchy stuff because I am into that too. But like shamanism is really my um where it's at for me because that's my expertise. And so I have a whole team of power animals or spirit animals that I work with for various different purposes, and they showed up hardcore when I was out there grieving. And like they I have to say, they were such a comfort to me. Like they showed up for me, and I also felt like they were with stripes too, and it was seriously like such a comfort, and it also made the backyard feel magical again, and then I was also like connecting with the elements, like I I always connect with wind. I feel like that's my my dominant element that I like to work with is wind, and just being being out there feeling feeling the wind. I don't know, it all just felt like it was comforting, like it was giving me a hug. And I have a couple of uh goddesses that I work with too, and like they kept showing up for me. And what was amazing about all of this is like I wasn't instigating any of it, like I wasn't calling them to me. I think like I think the connection has just the line is already open so much because of all the work that I've done with them, that they sensed my my grief and they showed up for me in my moment of need, and they like this was like multiple times, like over and over and over. And it was so so helpful, and I'm so so grateful for all of it. Like it just reminded me that like I'm still like I'm okay, you know, like I'm connected, I'm supported, my my cat is supported wherever she is. And I I don't know, it just it was an immense comfort, like really that's that's all I can say. And you know, I've done lots of lots of other grieving in my life over the over the course of my life, but I feel like this hit different because I'm in a different phase of life just after recovering from like severe trauma after having my daughter and and that my whole birth experience. We're not talking about that today, but I've spent so long recovering from that and um the seasonal effective disorder. I feel like I've spent a lot of time just recovering from traumatic things, and like I'm in this season of life where like I'm pretty good, but through all of this trauma, uh, you know, I was studying shamanism, and like part of studying shamanism is um what they call shamanic initiation, which is basically like spirit throwing you under the bus and saying, figure it out. I mean, that's they're not really doing that, but that's what it feels like. It feels like you're being thrown under the bus and you know, ripped apart, and then you got to get put back together, and it's shocking and it sucks, but it also makes you a better practitioner, and it makes you better at working with your spirit guides. Like there, there's a method to the madness when you're in it, it sucks and you can't really see it. But on the other side of it, it's like, oh, that's what all that hard work was for, and that's what I noticed dealing with um the grief of losing my my kitty friend, or you know, having to say goodbye to my kitty friend forever, is my spirit team like showed up for me in like this unimaginable way, like without me even asking, and helped uh to support me uh so much. It just it made the whole experience softer. I I I was almost gonna say easier, but I'm like, no, it wasn't easy because grieving isn't easy, it's it's not supposed to be easy, but it did make it feel less sharp, less harsh. It just it made it feel softer, and I'm so so appreciative of that. And I just I don't know. I thought that I I should come on here and do an episode about it because it it's like a testament to the power of consistent practice and building a spiritual team in whatever way that looks to you. And I think like at some point I really I want to start teaching people how to how to do this. This is kind of why this podcast exists, right? Like backyard magic, you know, finding the magic wherever you are. Here I am out in my backyard that felt desolate and not magical because of the loss, and spirit showed up for me anyways, like the magic is still there, like always, like no matter what. And then, you know, I could also feel the feel the land, like just the the spirit of the land. I don't know, like I just it made me feel more connected to my environment than ever before, and it just it took grief, like sudden, shocking depths of despair, kind of grieving, for me to really, really experience this. And since then, now that I'm kind of like on the other side of it, like I don't I don't feel so much despair, I still feel completely sad and heartbroken about the whole thing, but I'm I don't burst out into tears every time I think about it, which is an improvement, but it has still made me feel like even more connected to my spirit team, and for that I'm so so grateful. So, so grateful. Yeah, so I guess I sometimes I feel like I need to do an episode about my shamanic training to kind of like help you guys understand what all that entailed, or everything that it entailed. But so maybe I might do like a brief little clip of that here. When I first started shamanic training, um I I did it because I was looking for a solution to overactive empathy. That sounds so silly, but at the time I was new to the acupuncture profession. I was a new graduate, newly licensed, and I was really overwhelmed by working in community acupuncture. There's just so much energy, so many people, and I would come home crying like every day. I was so overwhelmed. And so I was like, this is not sustainable. I need to find a solution to this problem. And so I just started doing research because I'm a line one in human design and I need to research everything. And I stumbled upon shamanism and I was like, what's that? You know, I like I'd heard of it, and I'm like, isn't that like what indigenous people do? And I discovered that they at the time that there was an online school, this was like in 2014, that you could go to where you get paired with a mentor and you go through this like years-long program and you learn shamanic arts, and it just piqued my interest. And really, I just kind of followed my heart. I think my soul called me to do this because there was no logical explanation why I signed up to study shamanic arts. But it was like divvied up into three different levels, and the first level is all about healing yourself, and then the second level is like continuing to heal yourself, but you start to work with clients a little bit or like work on other people, and then the third level is where you learn all the fun stuff. That's like where you do psychopomp, which is like escorting lost souls, and where you start to do um soul retrievals and stuff that people would associate a shaman as being able to do. I was very interested in level three, and I was like, I want to learn that. But I had to get through the first two levels first, so I signed up. Took me over five years, over five years, and a near-death experience in the middle of all of it. But I finished the training and got uh my shamanic certification in the middle of lockdowns, actually. It was April of 2020 that I got my certification. That was a weird time. But the first section where you are working on healing yourself, like one of the very first lessons is finding a power animal. Like, first you have to learn how to do shamanic journeys, and then once you got that down, you find a power animal. And your power animal is like your guide through all of the rest of the spiritual work that you're going to be doing. So I loved that particular exercise. I found my power animal very, very quickly, and like I still work with that particular power animal to this day. And then over time, I just kind of accumulated more. Like you you can have more than one. And then when I when I started to do um work on clients, you know, I I gathered a couple of more, like they they all work with me for different purposes, and I do very intense work on myself, so like I just I need a good spiritual team, and so like I just wound up with all of these power animals that I work with, and I still I love working with them. In fact, I created an entire course. If anybody wants to learn how to find and connect deeply with a power animal for intense personal healing and growth and development, check out my online uh you know, self-paced course. It's called Power Animal Magic. I'll link to it in the show notes. But they they just kind of became my jam when I started doing shamanic sessions in my private practice. I I kind of added those into my acupuncture practice. Every single person would leave with the power animal, every single one. Like I just that was my thing, power animals. So I work with them a lot. What I love about them, I mean, there's a lot of things that I love about them, but one of the things that I love the most about them is that they're non-denominational and they are universal. Like you don't have to worry about, like I know not everybody likes to work with deity, especially people with religious trauma. Like they just don't want to work with, you know, more humanoid type spiritual beings, which I totally get. But power animals are universal, they don't talk, they don't have human egos and agendas, and it's it's different, it's a different vibe. I feel like everybody can resonate with a power animal. And because they don't talk, it's like it transcends language, and they just they offer a completely different type of support, which is why it was so comforting when they showed up when I was sitting outside sobbing hysterically, because like one of them showed up and it felt like I was being nudged in my shoulder by one of them, and then I just felt like this wave of like love and care and support, and I I could kind of like see them in my mind's eye, you know, and I was like, Oh my gosh, they're here for me, like they are getting me through this grief. I'm like, this is this is beautiful. I'm so grateful for this. And then eventually when you keep going with shamanic training, then you you do shamanic journeys and you find like spirit guides, which those could be more humanoid type beings, or not. They can show up in different forms. It it depends, it's very uh like open to interpretation, subjective, unverified personal gnosis sort of thing. And so I've just over the years have developed a spiritual team. So I have a couple of deities, uh, goddesses in particular that I work with too that showed up for me. And um a big part of how I recovered from seasonal affective disorder was working with the elements. Uh, like I said, particularly wind. I really like to work with wind and earth. And I mean all of them really. Like they all work work together to like make up the whole. But yeah, I just it was so, so cool. I've like never felt so supported. Like I'm always I'm always outside talking to the elements before before my grief. I mean, I'm back out there doing it again now. Like I'm always out there talking to the wind. I talk to the sky. I, you know, we'll greet the sun. I have a pool out in my backyard, which honestly I consider my well. And one of the one of the goddesses that I work with is Bridget, and I consider that her sacred well. I'm like, this is my sacred well, and like I work with Bridget here in my well in my my pool. You know, so like I just I work with the elements a lot and because it's it's there, it's universal, no ego attached. It just the elements are what they are. Same with the power animals. They just are what they are, they do what they do, but they're also like especially the power animals, the power animals are benevolent, like they're there to support and guide and to do it in their own way, which almost never involves words, which is kind of refreshing. That being said, you do have to kind of understand their, you know, the way they communicate, but I feel like so long as you take your brain out of the equation and you just go by your gut feeling, it it's easy to interpret. So yeah, yeah, that's that's my episode. Like, just wanted to go over like how I was able to use my spiritual practice to help help me get through like a really deep hardcore period of grief over my kitty friend and losing some magic in the backyard. I hope this was helpful for anybody, and if like anybody is interested in learning how to do any of this stuff, well, I mean, you can check out Power Animal Magic, like that's specifically for helping you find a power animal. But look into shamanism, like seriously, there's tons of books available. Um, the program that I went through is no longer around anymore, which is a bummer because it was a really good one, but there's other um shamanic programs that do this same sort of thing. You get paired with a mentor. Um, it's it's universal. Like the the style that I learned is called core shamanism. So it's not there's no um cultural, no particular cultural lineage here. It's kind of just like the essence of shamanic arts, which when you start to study it, is pretty much the same all over the world with all the indigenous people. But we don't most of us don't live in indigenous uh societies anymore, so it's like kind of being brought into urban areas, which it should be. I feel like there needs to be more shamanism in the world because it's very healing and it's very powerful, and I feel like everybody should learn a little bit, you know, how to do a journey, how to find a power animal, because it is so supportive. So, whatever you guys are going through out there, if any of you are going through hard times, experiencing grief, if you're feeling heavy, this contracting energy of fall and the metal season right now, I highly encourage you to lean on your spiritual practice to help support you through this time. Whatever that looks like to you, whether that's just lighting candles, if you if you go to church, if you do have deities that you work with, um, if you're you know pagan, what whatever, like whatever is working for you, like lean on it, rely on it. It's a huge comfort, it's a huge support. And just know that you're not alone. We are we are all one after all, and and you yeah, you are supported. You are supported, and with that. I'm gonna pull an Oracle card for you guys. Since it's the Fall Equinox, if you guys uh don't know, I freaking love the Seasons of the Witch Oracle decks. I just got the Mabin one, which is uh for the Fall Equinox. Mabin is a that's like a topic for a different day. I don't want to go into like the history of Mabin, but it's basically the fall equinox. There's eight of these decks. I now have seven of them. I've been getting them every um with every shift of the wheel of the year. So the last one that I have to get is the one for Sawin, and I will get that next month. And I'm so excited I will have all eight of them. Okay, hold on. Let's pull a card from this deck. What is a good message for the lovely listeners of Backyard Magic as we enter the fall. Okay. Gotta make sure I pull the right card. Yeah, okay. Hang on, I'm trying to get it out of the deck. Alright. The message from the deck to you guys. It's called, the card is called Tobacco. And there's a little poem on here. Feed your ancestors, raise the sacred smoke to them, for they are hungry to connect. I love this. There is a picture of a woman who is smoking a cigarette, and she's surrounded by asters. I think those are asters, like the star-looking flowers. It's nighttime. There's a big, bright, full moon in the sky, and she's blowing the smoke out. And the in the smoke is like a profile picture or like a pro yeah, profile side view of I'm assuming an ancestor's face. This is a beautiful card. Tobacco. Okay. Let me pull up the book and I will read the definition to you guys, or what the book says. By the way, this deck is by Lorianne Anderson and Juliet Diaz. They do the writing and then it's illustrated by Tijana Lukovic. I don't know if I'm saying any of those names correct, except for Juliet Diaz. I feel like that one is straightforward, but I'm pretty sure it's Lorianne or Loriane. I'm sorry if I say their names wrong. I will link to this deck in the show notes. If you guys don't know about this series, check it out. It's awesome. Okay, the key words here: purification, connecting to the spirits or ancestors, and respect. Your higher self chose this card because it's a request from the ancestors or spirits with whom you are most comfortable to approach them and the people in your life with more respect and humility. Offering tobacco is a sign of respect and connection for the ancestors in many cultures. Perhaps it's heard about most often in Native American traditions, but it is also a common practice for many peoples from Africa, South America, the Caribbean, and the Southern United States. When you greet the spirits that support your path, remember they can see things that you cannot. They can make space where you have faced walls. They can lift you up and carry you over difficult terrain, and they know answers to important questions you haven't even thought of. There are people in your life who also have value and can fill in the blanks with a new perspective that you have not considered. What your situation requires is an open mind and to acknowledge your limited knowledge or understanding in your situation. Oh, there's more. The tobacco card invites you to spend more time listening and being engaged with others. You may have been too quick to dismiss someone as being wrong or silly, or have viewed someone as being unworthy of your attention. Keep a watchful eye out for a younger person coming into your life as they may offer something that is needed for your situation. Oh, that's interesting. That sounds like a page card. Okay. Well, you know, I suppose working with it says ancestors, but it also talked about spirit, connecting to the spirits. Was I not just talking about connecting to the spirits? I love synchronicities like this. Alright, this is your guys' sign to make some sort of an offering to whatever spirits that you would like to be working with. It doesn't have to be tobacco, but maybe just some sort of an offering. Some sort of a smoke, an herb, a candle, a prayer. Just just something. I love that. That's all I got for you guys. Thank you so much for listening. I know this episode was a little bit, a little bit all over the place at, you know, at the beginning, and then going into grief a little bit heavier, but that's what it's all about, and that's what this time of year is. And if you're going through something, you're not alone. And there is support, and apparently, spirit is reaching out and ready to help you get through whatever trials you are going through at the moment. So have a great week, and I will catch you guys in the next episode. Bye.